The Mausoleum Review

BSG update in 60 seconds

2008-04-17T22:23:00.003-04:00

What the Frak...oh. Awesome.

Getting my Geek On

2008-04-13T23:36:00.004-04:00

...and gettin real excited about this:

Curses! Foiled again!

2008-02-14T15:51:00.006-05:00

What does it say about me that I got really involved in this story? I'm pretty sure The Onion intended this to be satirical and entertaining in a peering-down-your-ivy-league-liberal-arts-educated-nose kind of way. In me it inspired a sudden desire to limewire old episodes of Flash Gordon.

I'm a sci fi GEEK.

And Now For Some... Amusement

After all the times you have thwarted me... After all the times my plans for world domination...

Long live Prince Kazak! Yay for the Star of Freedom III! Cheers for cheesy vintage sci fi!

Vote!

2008-01-31T10:45:00.000-05:00

I'm using my blog today as a forum for my solemn plea: get out there and vote! Every vote counts, and its the only way to ensure your voice gets heard.

Presidential what? No, silly! Vote for my submission at icanhascheezburger.com! Show some support for Betty and The Troops!

Full Metal Jacket ftw!

Rate and Vote!

Dear Justin...I forgive you.

2008-01-22T13:38:00.000-05:00

Dear Justin,

The following is a letter of forgiveness for recommending Cloverfield.

To begin, I understand your motives. I can immediately see the Blair Witch-y faux-documentary cinematographic style would appeal to one such as you, of the liberal artsy persuasion. Considering the undisputed awesomeness of the concept--having Cthulu's cousin on a Manhattan man-eating spree--I was destined to see the movie no matter the numerous negative reviews. Unfortunately, I am from the seasick persuasion, and being forced to stare at my lap for long intervals in order to control my shaky-camera-induced nausea detracted from the experience a bit. Yes, you did warn me to sit in the middle of the theater. If only that had been enough...

On the basis of our long friendship, and fact that--to date--you are the only non-relative to post comments on my blog, I will forgive you.

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem

2007-12-27T13:43:00.000-05:00

As a fan of the franchise, I was massively disappointed. AVP-R tries to be suspense-horror, sci-fi action, and campy fan-flick all at once, but failed to satisfy as any of those.

**Spoilers Below**

Suspense-horror:
Both Predator and Alien were suspense films at their roots. Part of the horror of the films was the repeated question: WTF is this thing, man? Instead, my overriding question throughout the movie was, "But...why?" The place the film succeeded (sort of) was by preserving the nature of the Alien (sort of). Targeting pregnant women is pretty gross, and the Alien should be awful, reprehensible and gross. But...why pregnant women? Is the Predalien a new sort of Queen Alien? Do the baby aliens eat the fetus? Does the Predalien somehow mutate the fetuses into aliens??? Argh! Too many questions!

A diagram is not necessary, just a one-liner from an extra would have suffice. "Gee, doctor. It's almost like the alien babies are eating the human babies and then exploding out of the stomach. This must be a new, self-fertilizing, predalien queen kind of Xenomorph." There, done. Fans are happy. Science fiction fans are more willing than most to suspend belief and just enjoy a story; but when departing completely from well established canon and creating a new one, some explanation is in order.

Action:
The monsters in this movie were perfectly rendered. Big, realistic and perfectly within canon. But...who cares! So they rip the humans to shreds. So what? The humans were stupid, weak, and too pretty. If a character is reprehensible, we thrill to his death, as the monster becomes an agent of karma. If a character is likeable, we are fearful and shocked by his death, and hate the monster all the more. But no one could relate or hate these cardboard Abercrombie kids. They just weren't important enough.

The movie touched repeatedly on the question of leadership in survival situations. Had they explored that more in depth, they might have had a movie. The sheriff is weak, and the ex-con clearly a natural leader, but their conflict went something like this:

"I'm going this way,"
"Well, I'm going this way."
"Okie dokie, bye."
"Later."

The young mother is perfectly poised to take the reigns, considering her combat training and vested interest in surviving to protect her daughter (a la Ripley and Newt), but she remains in the background, limiting herself to chauffering the main characters around.

Proponents say, "Hey dude, its not Humans vs. Aliens/and Predator. We came to see alien gore, and AVP delivers." The human deaths are less meaningful because they are not center ring of this circus. Well, fine. Then the final fight between the headliners should have been a Battle Royale, a bloody death match that whipsawed back and forth between two monstrous titans. But it wasn't.

It was a ten minute slugfest with little gore and no suspense. And then the outcome became moot when both disappeared in an atomic flash. The audience is left with a pointless outcome to a brief struggle.

Fan-service:
Missing from the film is the complex and iron-clad Yajuta honor-code. In Predator 2, the terrifying alien killer spares the life of a police officer (apparently realizing she is female when his infrared vision detects she is pregnant), then almost kills a boy-child, before realizing his "weapon" was a toy gun. We glimpse the "no women, no kids, no unarmed men" rule that allows us to admire the alien hunter. AVP-R takes even that from us.

Granted, the death of the teen girl was clearly collateral damage (and no one ever accused the Yajuta of being chivalrous). Still it was a wasted opportunity. The Predalien's blatantly non-canon method of reproduction could have been forgiven, had they used the ick-factor effectively. Contrasting the fetus-eating female spider-things with the more sympathetic, anthropomorphic, hunter-killer superman from outer space would have made for a really engaging conflict. As it was, the aliens were illogically awful and the Predator was kind of dull. The audience had nothing to root for.

Yutani's cameo at the end of the film, while interesting, really underscored the thrilling potential of the concept, and how thoroughly it had been wasted.

Kzin view of Humans: Window or Mirror?

2007-12-21T15:00:00.000-05:00

The kzin view of humanity is less flattering than our view of kzinti. We seem as naked tail-less monkeys with gangling limbs, too many digits, gibbering speech. Even worse, consummate cowards, grass-eating omnivores capable of no resistance, capable only of cowering before the universe’s ultimate predator, the kzin.

One wonders though, whether that is truly humanity through an Alien lense, or a human’s critique of his own race’s shortcomings. Not to cast asperations on Larry Niven’s capabilities as a wordsmith; were he to bear a title kzin-style it would surely be Crafter-of-Awesomely-Believable-Yet-Inhuman-Fictional-Aliens. Or something shorter.

But is it truly possible for any being to step completely outside its own point of view? If we could plot humanity’s progression toward open-mindedness, I imagine it would be most like an exponential curve: with total omni-perspective as the limit we never quite reach. If so, and Niven is not creating a totally alien thought process, but rather channeling human thoughts through an alien brain, then that pathetic monkey—cowering in the corner, quivering in physical terror, slaving for jumped-up housecats—is not a projection, but a reflection.

Then again, the one common feature of every Man-Kzin war is that sooner or later, when it’s all said and done, the damn monkeys win. Every damn time. Despite all of the advantages nature blessed the kzinti with in speed, agility, strength, and fighting spirit, the humans win. Despite the mind-blowing, space bending technological advantage their former employers gave the kzinti, the humans win.

Just how the humans manage to pull off one impossible victory after another is not explored in depth in the earlier stories. Oh, the events are detailed, but every time the battle appears totally one-sided in favor of the kzinti until the crazy monkeys pull some totally unexpected, crazy-even-to-them-monkey stunt.

It is not until the later books, when relations between the species begin to ease, that a theory is advanced. Occasionally, a human or Protector would comment to their kzin allies that kzinti always leap before they are ready. Always their “hot livers” got the better of their perfectly sapient brains, and they would scream and leap without weighing the possibilities. That was an indulgence evolution did not allow humans.

Exactly who holds the top spot on the food chain is an ever-debated question in the jungles and savannahs of Earth. While most species specialize in order to fill an ecological niche, and then try to out-evolve any competitors who come along, humans clawed their desperate way up to become hunters extraordinare, ensuring their survival by being smarter and more versatile than. . .everyone: competitors, predators, and prey.

The kzin’s noble nature, its arrogance, its pride, its unyielding honor, are its downfall. One could say the kzinti have the vices of their virtues, while the humans have the virtues of their vices. So do we admire the kzinti for the qualities we share, or the ones we wished we possessed?

Sci Fi Kitties!

2007-12-21T10:01:00.000-05:00

(Betty's brain has exploded under the combined force of cuteness and geekiness found at icanhascheezburger.com.)

There are plenty of geek-culture references to be found on this site, including l33t, hacker idoms and other (09 F9). But I was still surprised by sci fi lit references. Star Wars cats were to be expected, I suppose.

But...Dune kitty?

Alternate captions included:

"Paul Meow'dib"

"Kwisatz HaderCat!"

"i can has water of life?"

"They triez and failz?
NO! They triez and diez!"

It seems we were previously unaware of the advanced technology of the lolcats, besides the well-known ability to use cuteness as a weapon. We have indications that they possess laser eyes, active camoflauge, ninja skills, and force fields.

MOAR DUNE KITTEH!
MOAR KITTEH!!

Human View of Kzin: Our Affinity for Predators

2007-11-23T10:02:00.000-05:00

(alternate title: WTF!? Do We Have a Death Wish?)

I just finished Man-Kzin Wars XI, and enjoyed it so much I am now working my way backwards through the series. I read a few of the books in the past but I was a bit too young for them; some of it went over my head.

The Nature of the Kzin

There are many ways of treating alien characters in science fiction, but there are two main divisions: anthropomorphic, and inhuman. The Xenomorphs of the Alien series were a fantastic example of the latter which I love to analyze. You can't get much more alien than Alien. For examples of anthropomorphic aliens, look to just about any alien character in Star Trek. Not as much fun to dissect (in writing) because humans are a known quantity.

However, a neat trick in sci fi is to reveal an alien character as less or more human than it originally appears. Whiplash the reader/characters back and forth, as in the Foreigner series and you have Hugo winner, not to mention a great thought experiement in coping with culture shock.

Humans in science fiction must deal with two competing instincts: empathy and xenophobia. Both are survival traits. Both can lead to dangerous misapprehensions. In "Teacher's Pet" the Protector Peace Corben chides human Corky for the human tendency to "Identify with Everything," reminding the reader that though Corky and Manexpert shared a moment of disclosure, the kzin did not view it with the emotional importance felt by the humans (including the reader).

This might seem hypocritical: she describes the kzin Manexpert’s predatory lunge as “adorable.” She likes him, both for his ability to reason past his hunter’s instincts, and because “he was fluffy, and smelled like ginger.” But one must remember that Peace is nearly invulnerable to attack. This gives her the dominant position from the kzin's point of view, and allows her to view kzin as she pleases because...well, what can he do about it?

Feeling affection for a sapient murderous alien feline-analog does not seem like a survival instinct, yet both human characters and human readers will find that despite their determined enmity, they like the damn kzin. Well, this is fiction. Faced with a carnivore that was physically superior to us in every way, we would probably not react with feeling of love and affection. Would we?

The Wolf

The pack predator’s great white fangs and yellow eyes still haunt our nursery rhymes. . .while his descendants sprawl at our feet before fires, herd our cattle, guard our property, protect our children, or hitch rides in designer purses. Anyone who is familiar with working or hunting dogs has seen the wolf is not far from the surface. War dogs were bred to be even tougher than their progenitors. Fighting breeds like rottweilers and pitbulls are so deadly as to be considered occasionally unsafe around children. Yet these breeds are immensely popular.

Big Cats

The appeal of big-cat kittens is obvious. They are fluffy. They make cute noises. They fit in ones lap. A full-grown tiger is quite a bit more than a lap full—but still many feel the romance of having a large, dangerous animal as a pet. Animal experts exhaust themselves trying to warn love-struck humans of the danger of adopting large predators as pets. A wolf (even a pup) has not had centuries of selective breeding to reinforce its bond with humans. A feral cat will not be at your beck and call. They may come to your hand for the hell of it; or they might eat your face.

On the other hand, those same cautionary experts spend their lives in the company and study of such creatures. Clearly, they too see the appeal or they would not have chosen that profession.

Affection as a Weapon

The first thing a child does when charming an animal is to offer it food. This is the most effective and universal way to distract an animal from fight or flight, and this is instinctive human behavior. We feel the desire to bond with immature predators because that is when the animal is most psychologically flexible, and may imprint on us as kin. Our affection may be our defense mechanism. We neutralize our greatest threats by making them our closest allies, and this is an instinct so deeply ingrained into our psyche that we are not even aware of it as a motivator.

We find the truth at last: humans love big, scary, murderous things…on our side.

Here Kitty-kitty. . .

Kitty?

Anita Blake Comic

2007-01-14T16:19:00.000-05:00

When I heard that Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake was going to be adapted to a comic, I was not terribly enthused. I could not imagine the story suiting that format.

I was so wrong. One page of the comic was all it took to convince me that I must have a copy. Right. Now. I cannot wait to see how they depict Richard.

Laurell K. Hamilton's Official Website

Laurell K Hamilton's Mistral's Kiss

2006-12-26T15:05:00.000-05:00

The Crown Princess of Horror brings us another installment of her Merry Gentry series.

Mistral's Kiss sees Merry release even more of the magic of the Wild Hunt. Hamilton's knowledge of Scottish and Irish mythology is prodigious, and the way she molds classic critters and faerie tales to the mythology of her story is genius. Merry's power grows with each new sidhe she brings into their own, and more of the enigmatic Goddess and her Consort is revealed. Especially tantalizing is the implication behind the God's resemblance to Doyle, or vice versa, and with Merry's private admission that she would--given the choice--prefer Doyle as her king, the reader feels all of the mixed emotion that she must. It would mean giving up the moody and beautiful Killing Frost, but it would also place on the throne the man with the most wit, strength, politically savvy, and loyalty to Meredith.

...Hamilton's knowledge of Scottish and Irish mythology is prodigious, and the way she molds ...faerie tales to the mythology of her story is genius...

The transformation of Sholto from a tragically deformed "Creature" to the true king of Sluagh, fully self-possessed and proud of his "terrible beauty" was honestly inspiring. The return of even more powers to Merry's men hints that there are still things from the past that the older ones have not seen fit to share with the younger generation. Whether it is out of condescension, mourning for the loss, or a little of both, is not yet clear.

The author seems to have abandoned any pretense of making each book stand on its own. While Mistral's Kiss is not exactly a cliffhanger, there is certainly a great deal of conflict left unresolved. Not the least of these are the interminable (and increasingly ubiquitous) attempts to get Princess Meredith pregnant, and thus secure the throne. Also unfortunately, (from my point of view) capitalism is clearly at work in both the Anita Blake and Merry Gentry series. The erotic scenes have steadily escalated with each installment of both series, and her popularity has apparently grown in proportion.

Hamilton appears to have the vices of her virtues. Having such a talent for vivid visuals, and sublime sex scenes, she has exploited those to the nth degree. So much verbiage is spent on perfectly detailing every trickle of sweat, each drop of blood, each glowing ring of every tri-color iris, that the newer novels can be read in real-time: the events occur in less than one day of the character's time.

Well, the only criticism that counts to an author is whether you buy her product or not. And truth be known, leaving the resolution of this engaging plot a mystery feels too much like cutting off my nose to spite my face. I may complain all the way to the counter, but in the end I'm too much of a Merry fan to stop following the series.

Cosplay in the US

2006-11-08T15:04:00.000-05:00

Previously the bastion of the, shall we say, socially marginalized, it's hard to keep imagining cosplay as the realm of the über-dork when smokin' hotties get in on the fun.

Exibits A and B: The Geek Girl of the Month, courtesy of the GeekZine

She almost made it into the "Obsession of the Week" but I decided cosplay merited a whole article of its own.

For the rookies, or those who like sports and Abercrombie, Cosplay is a Japanese-originated trend of dressing up like characters from anime, manga, or movies. It has quickly caught on with American fans and begun to merge with the many fans of sci-fi and fantasy who choose to express their passion and creativitiy by dressing up as the characters they love.

There is a BROAD range of talent when it comes to cosplay. It is a trend still underground enough to have preserved its "all are welcome" vibe. When the fans put forth their effort, the quality of costumes can be summed up by the reaction they inspire: "really impressive". . ."eh, kinda cute". . ."not so great, but good effort". . "my-god-what-is-that!"

Its when the pros weigh in that one sees some really cool stuff. Anyone who's seen the previous "Obsessions" knows that I luuuuuv me some Bizenghast. The author (M. Alice LeGrow) is herself an avid cosplayer and apparently talented seamstress. Featured in her LiveJournal are some truly stunning pictures. Worth checking out.

More on cosplay's origins and trends here.

Alien vs. Predator

2006-08-26T15:03:00.000-04:00

I’m a big fan of a series crossover. I am fully aware it’s almost always a gimmick to pull in fans of two characters or storylines into one uber-fan base. But I also don’t really care. Batman vs. Superman? Sweet. Venom vs. Punisher? Kickass.

Alien vs. Predator? Now we’re talking.

I am so enamored of the series that I attempted to determine just what is so compelling about the triumvirate of forces: man, alien, and predator. In layman’s terms, I tried to figure out why it’s so freaking cool.

The first thing I noticed was the nature of the human component of the trio. The race, religion, background, and personality of the human varied widely but one thing was constant; it was always a woman. Truthfully, this made no sense to me. From an archetypal perspective, the most common role of a woman in battle is the Psychic. From Cassandra of Troy to Jean Grey the leading lady always has mystic abilities like seeing the future or sensing the actions of the enemy. Women’s intuition is famous throughout time and across all cultural lines. But the human protagonist in Alien vs. Predator was always quite mundane. I didn’t get it so I moved on…

The Predator is pretty easy to break down. He’s over seven feet tall and ripped like Mr. Universe. He packs an awesome arsenal of Alien-killing weaponry and has an iron-clad code of honor that forbids him to kill women, children or unarmed men. It was so obvious once I really looked at the image of the Predator: he’s a dreadlock-topped, laser-toting, Alien-killing God of War. And being a God excuses his inhuman characteristics, like having a repulsive crab-like orifice where his mouth should be. Plenty of religions—from the ancient Egyptians to modern Hindus—have worshiped gods with human bodies and animal heads. Also, the Predator is what psychologists call “male identified.” He has all the typical male characteristics: he’s big, smelly, ugly, and likes to kill stuff. His honorable masculinity is in total contrast to…

The Alien is one of the best characters in sci-fi because it achieved what so few fictional characters have: utter inhumanity. Not only are the aliens physically repulsive, with their phallic-shaped heads, phallic-shaped secondary jaws, and general hissing, clawing, sliminess, but they are elevated to a whole ‘nother level of icky by the fact that the bigger, slimier, ickier matriarch sends out her drones to collect and infect humans with her arachnoid offspring, forcing human men to go through a really hideous parody of birth when the larvae explode out of their abdomens. She’s like a horrible alien rapist.

Which brings us back to…

The Human woman is key to this whole struggle. Both the Alien and the Predator blaze a bloody trail through all the men in the series: geeky scientist and brawny soldier alike. As alway in literature and the movies, it takes Beauty to tame the Beast. The female character is always rather pretty, reasonably brainy and a total badass. She is smaller and weaker than her male counterparts. But as those who read the books will know, in the Predator's species, the male is smaller than the female: and he is the interstellar hunter. And it is not her powerful muscles that impress the warrior; it is her powerful sense of honor. The Predator and the human woman have a special kind of relationship, a mutually respectful male/female duo that is constrained by biology to be chaste: a union of honor.

For humans, it is a special combination of everything male and everything female that eventually conquers the Enemy. It is that appeal to our collective memory that makes Alien vs. Predator so compelling.

That, and the shoulder-mounted laser cannon.

Disclaimer: My loyal fanbase (a.k.a Justin) has pointed out something that needs clarification. While most of the images on theis page are from the AVP movie, that is only because they were the most appealing to my aesthetic sense. The actual content and all my commentary are based on the graphic and literary novels. I not condone, recommend or even deign to review the movie. Thanks for reading!

M. Night Shyamalan's Lady in the Water

2006-07-25T15:01:00.000-04:00

A Bedtime Story was the inspiration for this very grown up tale. That's what the soft-spoken M. Night Shyamalan told viewers in his interview with Jon Stewart on The Daily Show. Denying Stewart's half-teasing suggestion of nightmares and phobias as inspiration, Shyamalan admitted to growing his latest film out of a bedtime story made up for his children. As always in his films, Shyamalan creates a sort of interface; our world and the world of the ethereal meet on the screen as utterly ordinary people are drawn in to help this extraordinary young woman. Shyamalan casts Bryce Dallas Howard (last seen as the blind heroine in The Villge) as his leading lady once again--this time to be an otherworldly muse for his character, a young writer.

...it is however, classic Shyamalan: fresh and plot-twisty poigniant and thought provoking...

Movie-goers have come to expect the unexpected with Shyamalan. But still the avante-garde writer-director managed to avoid a suspense-thriller rut with Lady in the Water. It is not The Sixth Sense with mind-bending plot twists. It is not Signs, full of nearly unbearable suspense. It is certainly not archaic and strange a-la-The Village. It is, however, classic Shyamalan: fresh and plot-twisty, poigniant and thought-provoking. And this time around, movie-goers get to see a great deal more of the director than just two-minute cameo as a supporting actor, or a coy reflection in a medicine cabinet.

Lady even sneaks in a neat jab at movie critics, and the horrible fate of that extremely unlikable character has prompted this writer to adamantly express her appreciation for Shyamalan's work, lest a hideous mythical beast rend her limb-from-limb one cliched and stormy night.

Laurell K. Hamilton's Danse Macabre

2006-07-20T15:00:00.000-04:00

Or Should it Be: Downer and Dirtier?

The Once puritanical vampire hunter Anita Blake gets down and dirty in the newest installment of L.K. Hamilton's vampire hunter series: Danse Macabre. Driven by the supernatural sex drive inherited from her vampire lover--the incomparable Jean-Claude--Anita must feed her otherworldly lust on. . .pretty much everyone. Fans expecting Hamilton's signature you- think- things- can't- get- any- worse- but- they- can plot escalation and exquisitely explicit violence will be disappointed. Anita is too busy dealing with relationship issues, feeding the arduer in one mind-blowing sexual encounter after another, and fighting off magical seduction from vampires and lycanthropes to be doing much in the way of detective work or vampire slaying.

...only upon release from her spell does one wish that some of the erotic scenes could have been replaced with perhaps ...dialogue...

Perhaps this writer is a little put off by Anita's slow slide into erotic, supernatural, domestic bliss. Her hard stand on sex (hell, her hard stand on basically everything) made her a uniquely strong female character. The early Anita was a hard-as-nails vampire slayer and zombie queen, with impressive power in her own right. This new power, the arduer, is not even power of her origination. It is gained from the marks Jean-Claude gave her, the ones she fought so long and hard to avoid. The later books, and this novel especially, see a less of hardass Anita, and a lot more of Anita caving in to the men in her life.

Not that the sex scenes aren't totally hot. This writer is a devoted fan of Hamilton's writing, and agrees wholeheartedly with the author’s claims that she does sex and violence "really well." The imagery is described in crystalline detail, and the plot is impossible to disengage from without conscious effort. She "rolls" the reader with utter mastery, and it is only upon release from her spell does one wish that some of the erotic scenes could have been replaced with perhaps. . .dialogue? Detective work? Shopping? Anything besides more sex?

The book is worth reading if for no other reason than to witness the growth of Anita's lover Nathaniel from an abused human pet into a new, improved, and, if not well-adjusted, at least better-adjusted human being: now featuring uncomfortable psychological insights into everyone else's problems. Finally we see the unanticipated negative side effect of all that therapy.

Regardless, Danse Macabre is more of the good stuff from the best new horror writer on the market. Hamilton keeps a firm hold of her circlet as the crown princess of horror.

Laurell K. Hamilton's Micah

2006-02-15T17:49:00.000-05:00

A Quickie with the Queen of Erotic Horror.

Surprisingly brief and refreshingly light (sounds like an iced tea commercial), Ms. Hamilton's thirteenth installment of the Anita Blake series is a well-timed breather from the intense erotica and heavy violence of her last few novels. Like a cigarette after. . .well, you get the idea. Anita gets the chance to do what she does best: raise the dead. It’s classic Anita Blake with everything from magic getting out of control to a shootout in a graveyard. Unusual though it is to see a novella from Hamilton, the length definitely worked, and fans of the series will be very. . .satisfied.

Halo and Halo2 Wallpapers

2005-08-11T15:10:00.000-04:00

Starcraft Wallpaper

2005-08-05T15:09:00.000-04:00